pleasure of pain….

my first post this year.. its not like i did not want to write, but the words were not superfluous… past couple of months my thoughts are faster that it used to be and it reflects on what i type. i actually miss words while i am typing, either my typing has become slow or my thoughts are going faster.. or age is catching up 😉 

i think most of you would choose the last one 😉 anyways.. been thinking about making my life a little more useful that what i am doing right now. its been work, eat, party, travel and a lot of other stuff.. i don’t want to talk about a purpose in life and all that.. its all about perspective and what you feel is your satisfaction.. a lot depends on perspective and when to let go of your perspective when you think its wrong.

i want to do something different, something which would prove useful to someone when i am not around. i don’t want a life well lived, but i do want a life that could touch someone’s life and make it easier if i may say.. 

so where is the focus? that’s something i still haven’t figured out yet. life has been good & bad.. bad cos of some of the choices i made and good because some of them happened to fall in place. i think how and why people treat me in the way they do. i put some thought together and i was like, its you and your behavior that makes them treat you the way you want them to treat you. your reaction, your thought, your response, the way you look all plays a role in the way people treat you. 

lately i heard about a relationship go off balance, should i just keep it as off balance or just say it dropped down dead? hope it is off balance, anyways, guess any relationship can go off track, even the best valued and the ones you never thought would have a skid mark… a lot of it has to be because they don’t speak out, not objecting, not expressing their thoughts, not asking and just let yourself be exploited to silence and assuming everything is fine. well if everything was fine, it wouldn’t be the way it is now. would it? a “no” in a relationship, could mean a “no” to the relationship. anger to everything that is right or wrong is a sign that something is bloody wrong. you have a choice to just ignore it assuming “all is well” or talk and figure out what is wrong. who has got to lose anyway if people just talk?

i really don’t do anything to prove myself, i don’t think i have tried either. now a lot of monotony is coming in and i’m kinda feeling restless. when more is given, a lot is expected.. staying without expectations, its tough, yea but possible.. sometimes i feel i thrive on that.. otherwise it would be pleasure of pain 😉
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